For Sarah:

Jesus In a Cafe

Thought this joke as hilarious. Taken from The Repurblican.

A Republican in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Republican looked across the restaurant and asked, ‘Is that Jesus sitting over there?’

The waitress nodded ‘yes,’ so the Republican requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.

The next patron to come in was a Libertarian with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea.

He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, ‘Is that Jesus over there?’

The waitress nodded, so the Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, ‘My treat.’

The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Democrat on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, ‘Hey there, honey! How’s about gettin’ me a cold glass of Miller Light?’ He, too, looked across the restaurant and asked, ‘Is that God’s boy over there?’

The waitress once more nodded, so the Democrat directed her to give Jesus a cold glass of beer. ‘On my bill,’ he said.

As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him and said, ‘For your kindness, you are healed.’ The Republican felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.

Jesus also passed by the Libertarian, touched him and said, ‘For your kindness, you are healed.’ The Libertarian felt his back straightening up, and he raised his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of back flips out the door.

Then Jesus walked towards the Democrat. The Democrat jumped up and yelled, ‘Don’t touch me. I’m collecting disability!

Hilarious!

On the way back from a Cub Scouts meeting, my grandson asked my son the question. "Dad, I know that babies come from mommies' tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?" he asked innocently. 

After my son hemmed and hawed for a while, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust. "You don't have to make something up, Dad. It's okay if you don't know the answer."

-Harry Neidig, from "Our 50 Funniest (True!) Stories", Reader's Digest September 2008

I laughed so hard.